


Monachopsis Love

by Androgonous_nerd_trash_named_mark



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/F, F/M, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-10-27 03:24:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10800681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Androgonous_nerd_trash_named_mark/pseuds/Androgonous_nerd_trash_named_mark
Summary: Me, I'm in love.The type of Love That swells in your chest, makes you exasperated.Until they don't love you.And then...That's when you crash and burn.





	1. Chapter 1

Hello, I'm Mark. At the moment it's 7:03pm, May 2nd 2017. I am 15, and I'm a Non-binary Lesbian. And I'm in love. If you didn't read my little summary than you are unaware of the fact that it is not two sided. It's just me. Madly in love with my best friend. I guess I should give her a cover name? Uhhhhh, April. Yeah, me, Mark am in love with my bestfriend April. And she is oblivious.  
Yeah.  
I am a huge nerd FYI, so is April. But she's like, pretty and stuff.   
I guess the next chapter will be me going into more detail.  
-Mark.


	2. Caramel Innocence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A spoken poem about her.

They were your hands. Warm and tender on my soft skin. Like dripping Carmel. The way your hair brushed my check and your iris expanded during contemplation. The way your head tilted just slightly to the right in confusion.  
Your smooth hands slide up my skin, so cool and comfortable in comparison to my skin that was on fire.   
But then my mind wanders and writes whole novels in my subconscious.   
Where your hands were so cold I mistook them for knives. My skin grows cold and your caramelized chocolate skin speckled with red. My blood dripping so carefully out of self inflicted wounds onto innocent fingertips. You take your fingers and curiosity overflows, you dart out your tongue and taste it. My life force. The iron taste is sometimes difficult to place, but you know what it is.  
Every memory and tear I shed was reflected. You can taste the death and destruction, reminding you faintly of a flower picked by a wandering child just to be pulled apart by the petals, just for a whiff of an aroma you can't place.  
A forget-me-not   
A plea to not be the corpse.   
Be the iron taste in your mouth.   
Your warm lips press against mine, but my lips are blue. My breath is gone. My blood is pooling. And my ghost isn't there. Your hands are pulling on my corpse. Like I'm still there.   
But I am still there. But in truth You aren't pulling on my corpse, you'd just stare. While my lips bleed and my ghost escaped.  
You became so cold I mistook you for the razors who knew my skin like a lover would.  
The silver shone in Florescent light, like a star, my only hope I felt. I took a deep breath like going underwater. But the only thing I was submerged in was my own personal insanity.   
Self inflicted wounds like deep valleys where I can see.  
You cold hands feel up my tummy like looking for something until I realize you have stabbed me. That your killing me. I am so afraid. But so happy it's you. That you are the one who is holding my neck down, stoping my breathing, screaming in my face. Cause of my life spans sudden end. Where you took a knife and stuck it into my chest.  
But at least you cared.


	3. Asphyxiation by affection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the petals."

"The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the petals."  
...  
At first, I didn't notice, I didn't notice the leaves and the thorns, I thought I was just coughing and a leaf happened to fall, into my palm. Blood splattered across the Brown crumbling leaves. They were a chocolate shade of brown. Like black in the middle fading into a caramelized iris.They were just like her eyes. I thought I was confused, didn't believe I loved girls. I thought I just wanted someone to love me regardless of attraction. That was until I coughed up a flower the color of oceans depths and with an icy blue tint to the edges. I knew then. I was sick. By that time the roots had already planted and wrapped the thorny vines around my heart. She didn't notice. She didn't notice that way I starting coughing. Until I literally fell to my knees in the bathroom and coughed up an entire flower into my hands. The blue looked so elegant in the florescent lighting. Blood splattered over all the petals. I began to cry, sobbing. She just watched me. I looked up my icey blue eyes wet with tears. Tears clogged on my face, dripping onto the flowers thorns. I held the flower up, covered in blood in tears. She tilted her head as if asking 'What?' I coughed up more petals into my hand. Brown leaves and thorns filling in the tile floor around me. My voice box croaked to life. Blood splattered onto my lips. I whispered "It's yours..." she stepped back "H-how long...?" I said "Two..." I cough up a thorn splattering her shoes with blood "years" I look up again and offer her the rose. If she took it... I'd live. If she didn't... I'd "I.." she mumbled. So strange of her to be so quiet. She shook her head from left to right. Tears beginning to spill from her eyes. My throat clogged up. I coughed up another flower, this one a chocolate brown. With blue leaves. I was surrounded by a floor full of flowers and petal and leaves and thorns. "I'm gunna die" I said emotionless. she froze. "W-what?" She whispered. "I either get an expensive surgery to remove them, and forget about you forever. Or die. " I said. She fell to her knees. Crushing petals beneath her. Her Hands came to my waist and she layed her head in my lap and began sobbing."You can't die! Please, I need you!" I coughed up more petals. "I can't do anything about this you know that..." she pleaded leaned up and kissed me. Hard. I shoved her off. And started coughing, "I'm dying" I said to myself to her to God I didn't know... flowers, petals. The brown leaves. The fell from my lips like words. "You don't love me, its not your fault..." I say my lips torn and red with blood. "If I loved you, you'd stay here with me, we could grow up. And have kids or something!" I sat up.Everything hurt I leaned forward and put my lips against her forehead. "You wouldn't want that... you know that. I love you... You were the best thing that ever happened to me..." I smiled. She frowned "how can you smile when your dying! How can you say I love you to your murderer?!" I took her hands in mine "Not your fault darling... all you've ever done is been beautiful to me..." I didn't have much time... I knew that. I didn't want her to be there... I threw up. All over the floor to my left. Roots and thorns lie mixed in with vomit. "you need to leave, I don't wanna die in front of you." She shook her head. "I'm staying, holding you until you are cold and gone..." she whispered. I lie down my head in her lap. Feeling colder as seconds grew into minutes.I was angry at God. Not because I was dying but because she'd lost me, and her mom within two years of another. Why her? The most kind, funny, beautiful girl, was so broken, so lost. Why did it have to be her? I sat up took her hands in mine... and I started singing I sounded bad, because Flowers fell out when I sang but I did it anyways "Pretty, pretty please, don't you ever, ever feel  
Like you are less than, less than so perfect  
Pretty, pretty please, if you ever, ever feel like you're nothing  
You're are perfect to me"   
She smiled "you remember that song?" I nodded " mom used to love that song." She whispered "I know" I said. "You're perfect" I said she frowned "no i- " "shut up, I'm dying let me be!" I said louder than I should have. Pain grew in the bottom of my chest. Everything was blurry I started coughing. I saw the black petals falling out of my lips, she saw them to. She kept screaming "nonononono please no..." I lent up to look at her I said "She'd be so proud of you" I coughed "I'm so proud of you" i smiled. My esophagus teared. A black rose fell out of my lips. Onto her lap. I couldn't breath, I put my hands around her in a hug and whispered "I love you" with my last breath.I collapsed and with my last few moments I heard screaming.And then silence,and felt her breath on my lips.


	4. Teal admiration

My hands in your hair. My hands on your skin. Your eyes looking into mine.Your lips damp and slightly parted. Your skin is a golden grown caramel sweet. You don't see me in that way. You don't notice small things. I do, I notice the way your shirt rides up when you lay with your head in my lap. The way you act when you're sleepy. The giggles and smirks and small touches. I've given all I have to you, and I'd do it all over again. But you don't want me. You talk about crushes and your boyfriend. You text them. Tell them how much you love them. I don't get that. You joke about dating and us and crush and GOD the relentless flirting. Your gentle fingertips on my skin and stretching causing unwilling arch of back. I am obsessed I sniff your t-shirt and wish I could have you but all I'll ever be is a bridesmaid.   
Nobody will ever want me. Nobody will stay up at night and write poetry about me ...  
Whats the point.


	5. Insomnias Love Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am in love with a girl who sticks to my heart like Peanut butter to the roof of your mouth. Insomniacs tend to stay awake at night thinking. I think about her, the way she moves and smiles and Talks. And it keeps me up. Here's my letter from insomnia.

I am not afraid. I am not fearful. I will not bend down to the will of those who pressure me otherwise. I will sing, and I will cry. Sleep claws at my skin, the sun is rising, I am not sleeping tonight. Sleep only brings dreams, and the disappointment that approaches apon waking. The moon is silver studded tounge ring. Desperate touches and begs for affection. The sun is bright and blinding. Bringing third wheeling and forgotten kisses being all but forgotten by me.The sheets feel so comfy and the pillow invites me inside. But I resist I decline. I don't want to wakeup with fresh memory of her lips on mine like I always do.So I'll abandon cushions and dreams tonight, I'll just discover new words and stories hidden under nighttimes shadow. Until me and Mr.Bluesky meet again.  
Love,  
Insomnia

**Author's Note:**

> All things in this book are exaggerations of real events.


End file.
